Column: Our modern world demands a whole new ‘texticon’

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FARGO - Love it or hate it, texting is here to stay.

I know, I know. Texting on cell phones bastardizes the English language, leads to rude behavior and ruins the art of face-to-face conversation.

But let’s face it: This thumb-fueled phenomenon is so popular that a whole new lexicon (texticon?) has erupted around it.

We now use words that no one had heard before 2003. Words like “sexting” sending sexually explicit messages by text), “chexting” (cheating by text) and even “brexting” (breaking up by text) have emerged.

So if I can’t beat ’em, I’ll join ’em. I brainstormed with colleagues to come up with our own list of text-oriented neologisms. Here they are:

Alex Trebexting: Insisting all texts be phrased in the form of a question.

Ambitextrous: Able to type skillfully with both thumbs.

Apoplextic: Throwing a hissy fit via text. Typically includes many exclamation marks, words in all caps and “textpletives.”

Collextor: Person who never deletes old texts.

Contexting: Texting long, overly elaborate explanations when you really just need to share a tiny nugget of information.

Correxting: Correcting typos and grammatical slips in your texts.

Deprexting: Sending downbeat text messages. “All Amber does is talk about her sick cat. OMG. So deprexting!”

Dystextia: People who text as if their thumbs are platypus feet.

Exting: Texting an ex. Often associated with “regrexting” (see below).

Expexting: Texting to inform friends you are pregnant.

Flexting: When your 14-year-old cousin just started working out and won’t stop sending pictures of himself flexing.

Manitexto: An epic, tell-all text, which sometimes results from TUI (texting under the influence).

Mistextian identity: Accidentally sending texts to the wrong person (a real danger if you’re in a textramarital affair).

Multitexting: Attempting to text while doing other tasks, such as cleaning (Windexting), applying chapstick (Blistexting) or working out (Spandexting).

Obtextive compulsive disorder: Obsessive texting. “Whatcha doing now? Now? Howbout now? XOXOXO! MISS U!! Luv u mor!!!!!”

Poindexting: Overtly brainy texts.

Perplexting: Texts that are so abbreviated they are nearly indecipherable. “hr 4 lnch? K ltr!”

Pretextive strike: Firing off a damage-control text before someone else sends an unflattering text about you.

Regrexting: Texts sent in the heat of anger or after six too many beers.

Star Trexting: Nerdy texts filled with sci-fi trivia. “Cant believe Chet didn’t know Lawrence Montaigne played a Romulan in the seminal ‘Balance of Terror’ episode. toDsah! ’ ”

Subtexting: Covertly texting in class or under the table.

Textosterone: Messages that display alpha-male behavior. “I benchpressd 320 lbs at gym, ate the 54 oz steak @ The Brisket Corral then watchd UFC & pounded beers w/Hank.”

Textiety: A fear of texting, which often results in Tyrannosaurus text (see next entry).

Tyrannosaurus text: Text that shows no knowledge of texting abbreviations or shortcuts. “Can u believe Tammy spelt out, ‘see you later alligator’ in her Tyrannosaurus text? No wonder it took her 4evr 2 reply.’ ”

Tex-Mexting: Texting with nacho cheese sauce on fingers.

Textose intolerance: People (usually over age 35) who loathe receiving text messages. They typically will groan upon receiving one, then mutter: “Why don’t they just (expletive) call?”

Text Luther: In a nod to Superman’s arch rival, Text Luther is your sworn nemesis.

Vexting: Nagging by text.

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