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Doug Wolter: Baseball quotes -- can you guess who said what?

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Doug Wolter

In honor of the return of major league baseball to relevance, I’m offering this baseball quiz.

Read the quote and guess who said it. Or when indicated, guess who the quote is about.

The answers are at the bottom of the column, but don’t read the answers before you’re finished. That would be cheating, and your place in the record book will have an asterisk in front of it.

  1. Who said, “Sure, I eat what I advertise. Sure, I eat Wheaties for breakfast. A good bowl of Wheaties with bourbon can’t be beat.” (a) Eddie Mathews (b) Babe Ruth (c) Dizzy Dean.

  2. Who said, about the money he earns from baseball, “Ninety percent I’ll spend on good times, women and Irish Whiskey. The other ten percent I’ll probably waste.” (a) Tug McGraw (b) Doc Gooden (c) Jim Bouton.

  3. Which famous manager once said, “Can’t anybody here play this game?” (a) Gene Mauch (b) Tony La Russa (c) Casey Stengel.

  4. Who said about artificial turf, “If a horse won’t eat it, I don’t want to play on it.” (a) Norm Cash (b) Lou Piniella (c) Dick Allen.

  5. Who said, “He hits from both sides of the plate. He’s amphibious.” (a) Bill ‘Spaceman’ Lee (b) Yogi Berra (c) Vin Scully.

  6. All-Star St. Louis catcher Tim McCarver said this about a famous pitcher: “He is the luckiest pitcher I ever saw. He always pitches when the other team doesn’t score any runs.” Who was he referring to? (a) Don Drysdale (b) Bob Gibson (c) Tom Seaver.

  7. Who said, “I never took the game home with me. I always left it in some bar.” (a) Bob Lemon (b) Mickey Mantle (c) Billy Martin.

  8. Who said, “Who is this Baby Ruth? And what does she do?” (a) George Bernard Shaw (b) Jimmy Cagney (c) Calvin Coolidge.

  9. Who said, “I can remember a sports writer asking me for a quote, and I didn’t know what a quote was. I thought it was some kind of soft drink.” (a) Mark ‘The Bird’ Fidrych (b) Don Zimmer (c) Joe DiMaggio.

  10. Who said, remembering his unexpected exit from baseball, “They broke it to me gently. The manager came up to me before a game and told me they didn’t allow visitors in the clubhouse.” (a) Joe Garagiola (b) Marv Throneberry (c) Bob Uecker.

  11. Who said, “I’d walk through hell in a gasoline suit to play baseball.” (a) Pete Rose (b) Ty Cobb (c) George Brett.

  12. Who said, “People ask me what I do in winter when there’s no baseball. I’ll tell you what I do. I stare out the window and wait for spring.” (a) Frank Robinson (b) Rogers Hornsby (c) Stan Musial.

  13. Who said, “There are two theories on hitting the knuckleball. Unfortunately, neither one of them works.” (a) Phil Niekro (b) Johnny Bench (c) Charlie Lau.

  14. Who said, “After Jackie Robinson, the most important black in baseball history is Reggie Jackson.” (a) Sparky Anderson (b) Harry Caray (c) Reggie Jackson.

  15. Who was Joe Adcock referring to when he said, “Trying to sneak a pitch past (blank) is like trying to sneak the sunrise past a rooster.” (a) Hank Aaron (b) Willie Mays (c) Roberto Clemente.

  16. Who said, “Baseball is like a church. Many attend but few understand.” (a) Earl Weaver (b) Leo Durocher (c) Connie Mack.

  17. Who said, “Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” (a) Satchel Paige (b) Cool Papa Bell (c) Kiki Cuyler

  18. From what movie came this line: “There’s no crying in baseball.” (a) The Bad News Bears (b) Major League (c) A League of Their Own

  19. Who said, “I’d be willing to bet you, if I was a betting man, that I have never bet on baseball.” (a) Shoeless Joe Jackson (b) Pete Rose (c) Frank Sinatra

  20. Who said at his Hall of Fame induction, “My father used to play with my mother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, ‘You’re tearing up the grass.’ ‘We’re not raising grass,’ my father would reply. ‘We’re raising boys.” (a) Robin Yount (b) Ernie Banks (c) Harmon Killebrew.

Answers: 1 c, 2 a, 3 c, 4 c, 5 b, 6 b, 7 a, 8 a, 9 c, 10 c, 11 a, 12 b, 13 c, 14 c, 15 a, 16 b, 17 a, 18 c, 19 b, 20 c. … If you were correct on 15 or more, you are obviously obsessed with baseball and probably should be spending more time developing other hobbies. If you guessed 10 to 14 correctly, you have made the cutoff for being worthy of being called a fan. If you were correct on 5 to 9, you are a casual fan but, hey, there’s nothing wrong with that. If you answered less than five correctly, you need to read the sports pages more often.

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